In the Midst of Things

Today is a post I need for myself. It's a wonderful day. It's Lucy's 6th birthday and she is having a big time with her new toys and seeing her Grandpa Hiatt today. I'm so glad they are getting to make these  memories together.

I will have a different memory of this day I think.  I will remember this as a day where I felt like a failure. I don't say these things because I am looking for praise or adoration from anyone. I say it because right now in the midst of things I'm having a hard time. Part of me knows this will pass or maybe will even be funny in a few years but right now I'd like to go ahead and skip ahead to the nogstiaclic part.

There are a variety of reasons that life has been stressful. I could list them, but I won't. Some of them are things I can work on. (such as helping the kids be better organized) Others are things I can't. Today Rex was just having a day. It may have started because we didn't go straight home after school or because he has a runny nose or because I didn't have the train that he was hoping for with me, but he spent a good 10 min trying to smack me in the face while we were at a frozen yogurt shop.  It's a defeating feeling, later when he wet his pants while in the car and I had to listen to him scream that he was wet the whole way to drop Claire off at dance class. Moments like these are known as meltdowns. My child is not throwing a tantrum to get what he wants. Meltdowns usually build over a time and result from something in the environment becoming too difficult or stimulating or when expectations in situation are not met.

In this journey of our family I try to stay positive and upbeat and in few days I most likely will feel better. But I wanted to write today about how sometimes things suck, especially in the midst of things, and all parents feel like this. I think the hardest part is not knowing what to expect for my son next. Will he still do these things in Kindergarten? Will I ever be able to potty train him?

This leads to another aspect of my life that needs some TLC. Right now, I am thinking of going to grad school to become a behavior therapist. I'm praying to know what path I will take in my life as my teaching license comes up for renewal in the next 3 years. I am both excited and terrified of the idea. I know I want to be able to learn and help other parents, teachers, etc who are feel the way I do today because I know how alone and out of place they can feel. There are many factors to consider with this idea and I want to make the best choice.

For now, I'll be content with my feelings. I'll hope for a good night's rest and I'll pray for each of my children to be happy and successful.